December 24, 2013
My Christmas Eve Dream:
My sister and I are on a group tour of Manhattan, and we've reached the Northern most point.It is not at all like I would have imagined; it's a cold and nearly barren wasteland.
Our tour guide, Liza Minnelli, huddles the tour group onto a large piece of plastic. Walls pop up around us and it seems like we'ret on a ride...no wait, it's not a ride, it's a small makeshift theatre.
I'm sitting on the aisle of the back row, but really it's just an old Victorian chair. There is a spotlight next to me and the heat is making me uncomfortable. Liza notices this and quickly starts to wheel it away, even though I tell her not to go to any trouble for me.
"Oh, it's no trouble. You're our guest."
I notice a masculine looking woman in a dark suit and a round beaver hat. She looks a lot like Yentl on her wedding day.
"Is that your sister?" I ask Liza.
"Oh yes, that's Lorna. She's in the show."
"Terrific!"
"Hey, you don't have any shoes or socks. You must be freezing."
Before I can tell her not to bother, she hands me socks made from the softest, warmest fabric I have ever felt in my life. I don't know if they were wool, or silk, or maybe a lambskin blend, but I put them on, and I swear to God, if feet could orgasm, my toes would have made a mess.
