Go In Peace

May 27, 2010

I wake up on a hot summer day--it is my birthday.

My father drops me off at church. A young priest with blond highlights is celebrating mass. There is a lectern on either side of the priest. At one Jon Stewart stands smirking as he sniffs an over sized orange flower; at the other Anderson Cooper delivers the homily.

"Wait a minute," I call out, "Isn't Jon Stewart Jewish?"

"Um, well, uh," Anderson stammers before resuming the homily. As he continues, the young priest is joined by two assistant priests, one of whom appears to be a drag queen in a wedding gown.

Through a parted curtain behind the priest I notice several large bowls and buckets shaped just like the smiling K00l-Aid pitcher. Anderson tells the crowd, "those are for the church Penny Party, which is being held--"

"Last night!" the drag queen interrupts him."

"Oh, Last night."

The priest walks down the church's center isle followed by Jon Stewart and Anderson.

I call out, "Is it over? No one said, 'Mass is over, go in peace.' "

I sneak behind the curtain and nervously take a large Kool-Aid pitcher. It is so large I can barely carry it as I run out the back door and, with great difficulty, climb over a wooden fence and make my escape.