I'm standing in the back of a high school auditorium watching my friend Tim in a play. When the play is over, I approach him with a serious demeanor.
"What is it," he asks.
"I have it...I have IT," I yell, referring to some dreadful, unnamed disease.
"Where?"
" I don't know. Somewhere down there, one of my boy parts."
But it turns out this is not real--we are filming a TV sitcom and this is merely a scene we are playing.
We are now on a balcony overlooking a street in London that's been shut down for our production. Across the avenue I spot our co-star Marlene Dietrich eating a huge jewel encrusted steak as she relaxes atop a red double decker bus. The steak is raw, dripping with blood, and Marlene smiles at us wickedly as she bites into it with gusto.
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