Pull Up Your Pants!

I had just started afternoon kindergarten (what a concept--you don't have to be there til noon and it only lasts three hours.) My older siblings left on the early morning school bus, leaving me to sleep in, watch Popeye cartoons, and occasionally get into trouble. 

Such was the case one day while I was playing in the woods set in the hills above our neighbor's backyards. When I felt nature's call I was faced with the choice of climbing out of whatever imaginary world I'd dreamt up (there's a good bet it involved being chased by tigers, or the scary natives from Gilligan's Island,) going all the way down the hill and across the street to my house to use the potty, or doing what the big kids all did, namely go potty right there in the woods.

I opted for what I'd seen the big kids do. Although, technically I'd only ever see them do number one, and I definitely had number two on my mind. How different could it be? I had a lot to learn. For starters, I was way too prissy to use a leaf in place of a roll of Charmin.

But the real problem, as  I soon discovered, was that I really wasn't in the woods. I had misjudged my position by quite a bit, and was only about halfway up the hill when, in full squat, I saw my father run out of our house, arms flailing and all red in the face.

"Jimmy! What the hell are you doing? Pull up your pants!"

What I learned that day wasn't so much about impropriety or misuse of property, or even squatter's rights. No, what I really learned was a golden rule of theatre actors everywhere who are always trying to steal a peek at the crowd from the wings: If you can see the audience, they can see you.